Epiphany
Birth. Always thought that things were different for me, perceptions and thoughts were not the same as others. Eccentric and introverted were the labels applied, i knew no different, never knew how i was supposed to be. i revel in my my moods, i live in color when the rest of the world feigns life in gray.
Thoughts. At times they race. I am alive, i can handle a few projects, i can handle 1000. Don't get in my way, no help or advice needed. Sleep, not necessary.
Darkness. i can't always seem to bend the world to my will. i feel frustrated, sometimes helpless. this is a good time to start smoking, drinking. i need to keep myself occupied at all times, and to alter my perception.
Obsession. i am obsessed with death. Seems this is a long time away for a young person. i am obsessed with suicide. my health is irrelevant. i smoke more. i drink more.
Acceleration. Racing thoughts, racing activities. i spend a lot of money. i cannot keep up with with projects. Failure is not well tolerated. i am angry more often. i am violent more often to myself and others.
Awareness. i have always sensed that something was not right. i was different. It was fine by me for the longest time. It is me. It is who i am. Things turn for the worse more often now. i have seen many psychiatrists. No clear diagnoses. Clearly have issues, whatever that means.
Epiphany. A therapist recognizes something. Psychiatrist referral. Diagnosis bipolar. Medication, on and off. my world changes. Ignorance has not always been blissful.
Loss. What if i had been diagnoses so much earlier in my life. Would it had made a difference. Would things have hurt less? i have lived a life that could have been different.
Anger. Why was this not recognized? Why had so many psychiatrists and therapists not seen it?
Future. i don't see much of one. Things getting worse, more disconnect from the rest of the world. Change medications, change does, try to change myself. Nothing works.
Birth. Always thought that things were different for me, perceptions and thoughts were not the same as others. Eccentric and introverted were the labels applied, i knew no different, never knew how i was supposed to be. i revel in my my moods, i live in color when the rest of the world feigns life in gray.
Thoughts. At times they race. I am alive, i can handle a few projects, i can handle 1000. Don't get in my way, no help or advice needed. Sleep, not necessary.
Darkness. i can't always seem to bend the world to my will. i feel frustrated, sometimes helpless. this is a good time to start smoking, drinking. i need to keep myself occupied at all times, and to alter my perception.
Obsession. i am obsessed with death. Seems this is a long time away for a young person. i am obsessed with suicide. my health is irrelevant. i smoke more. i drink more.
Acceleration. Racing thoughts, racing activities. i spend a lot of money. i cannot keep up with with projects. Failure is not well tolerated. i am angry more often. i am violent more often to myself and others.
Awareness. i have always sensed that something was not right. i was different. It was fine by me for the longest time. It is me. It is who i am. Things turn for the worse more often now. i have seen many psychiatrists. No clear diagnoses. Clearly have issues, whatever that means.
Epiphany. A therapist recognizes something. Psychiatrist referral. Diagnosis bipolar. Medication, on and off. my world changes. Ignorance has not always been blissful.
Loss. What if i had been diagnoses so much earlier in my life. Would it had made a difference. Would things have hurt less? i have lived a life that could have been different.
Anger. Why was this not recognized? Why had so many psychiatrists and therapists not seen it?
Future. i don't see much of one. Things getting worse, more disconnect from the rest of the world. Change medications, change does, try to change myself. Nothing works.
3 comments:
Someone viewed and responded! Thank you, made my day.
Hi,
saw the link from MG. Very nice blog, very nice post.
You said it better than most on line.
Sincerely, Susan aka Meowgal
Thank you Susan for your kind words. MG is a great site.
Post a Comment